6. Before the Proposal

2 December marks Desi Arnaz's death anniversary. It was the day when Lucille Ball lost the most important thing in her life- forever. I'm sure it broke her heart as her health started to decline shortly. There were just so many mistakes they wished they could undo. One "I love you" wouldn't suffice. They had to repeat and enunciate their love for each other, over and over again.

Desi and Lucy had been involved in serious discussions of why they should not get married. Their outlooks on life were different: he was a rich kid in Cuba and had speedboats and horses before the Revolution happened, she was poor and didn't even own a bicycle. He was a believer of being the master of the house as a man, she was independent and self-sufficient. He was a bandleader who loved to be on the road, she was committed to Hollywood. He was a romantic who lived to enjoy life and not worry about the future, she was a realist.

They finally decided that they shouldn't get married. Lucy of course, was devastated. She went along with the promotion of her pictures, smiling, shaking hands and signing autographs for her fans, but she had never been more depressed in her life.

Desi couldn't give her up. He phoned her constantly, daily, hourly. His telegram to her "Just wanted to say I love you, goodnight and be good. I think I'll say I love you again, in fact I will say it. I love you love you love you love you" broke her heart. Of course, she was heart wrenched with tears.

Yet, the saying that "opposite attracts" was the case...

The jealousy, possessiveness and passionate love kept them wanting for more of each other. The attraction was too powerful. 

Hearts Made of Gold

The book Desilu: The Story of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz was a very tough read for me. It took me some time to recover from the evident pain so many people suffered.

Seeing how bitter, unreasonable and angry Lucille had turned into, and how completely self-destructive Desi had become after their divorce were like punches after punches into my face. I suggest fans to read their individual autobiographies

A Book by Desi Arnaz

Love, Lucy by Lucille Ball

before diving into Desilu: The Story of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, because there were too many factors that changed the both of them, factors that were such big blows, that it is impossible for one to recover from.

If only they had left their fame behind and had gone somewhere else completely secluded to start anew, things wouldn't have turned out this way.

Bear in mind that Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz were the nicest, sweetest people around. Desi was simpler to analyze: he was outwardly nice and sweet. Lucille was complicated: one has to own a sharp pair of eyes and a keen sense of perception to feel her niceness and sweetness.

Working for a boss like Desi was a man's greatest dream. He treated each and every one of his employees humanely. In fact, even his band members' welfare came before his. He expected honesty from his employees, and in turn, he provided generously. Even after he became the president of Desilu, he didn't become high and mighty. He was the most modest boss ever, even with his increasing addiction to alcohol.

Lucille may seem like a tough nut, or an ice queen, but she had a soft spot buried deeply in her. Over the course of her marriage, she had experienced the indescribable heartache of not one, but three miscarriages. She wanted nothing as much as having a child that belonged to Desi and herself, but thrice, that child slipped away from the both of them. Her earliest scrapbooks consisted of adorable pictures of babies with endearing notes expressing her longing for a child.

No one could communicate that indescribable heartache of a miscarriage than one who has had a miscarriage herself:

Shortly after recovering from a miscarriage, Lucille heard the news that Desi and her longtime friend, Marcella Rabwin, too suffered from a miscarriage. Marcella was depressed the entire time in the hospital. She wouldn't speak to anyone, and her room was always kept dark and quiet. The lost of a baby was so traumatizing. Lucille forgot about her own loss and rushed to the hospital. She didn't knock on the door; she just opened the door as unobtrusively as possible to let herself in, fully clothed. She didn't say a word, not even a hello. She started unbuttoning her blouse, and to Marcella's surprise, Lucille did a comical striptease for her. And the ever depressed Marcella laughed uproariously- the first time she had laughed throughout the disaster. Seeing that she had helped, Lucille then left quietly, expecting no words of gratitude and giving no words of condolences. Words were not necessary.

Lucille didn't have to go out of her way. But she did. Lucille was so wonderful.

This is one of the great things that women can do for women- the capacities of a woman's love astounds me at times. And Lucille has the capacity to care and love so greatly for a friend. Imagine how she worshiped Desi then.

Those two had hearts made of gold.

Stopping at Childhood

One of my postulations as to why Lucille Ball was so successful at situational comedies is that she retained a childlike way of looking at the world, at situations and at people.

Why?

I guess that all along, she had missed her carefree early childhood, when her doting father was still alive and her mother had no worries but to make the family happy. As a child, Lucy had to mature quicker than her age. She had to deal with the premature death of her father, the birth of a new baby which was a difficult adjustment for an only child, a new stepfather who treated her as if she wasn't there, being sent to an older couple who were so strict on her that she felt mentally tortured, the unlawful accusation of her grandfather which made her distrust the law forever, and many more sad events... With a life full of traumatic events, it was no wonder that a part of her stopped forever at the age of  4, where things were warm and rosy.  

As she had mentioned, in order to be convincing and to evoke knee-slapping laughter, the actor has to believe in the situation and the actions that are called for. What makes it better than to analyze the situation from a child's point of view? A child's logic is sweetly simple and naive, and it's no wonder people are always drawn to children. It's that compelling naivety that Lucille had managed to convey to the audience that makes even the most hardhearted person alive laugh endearingly.

Through her childhood and adolescence, Lucy had utilized her powers of observation. Most comedians can only work from a certain angle; Lucy could be anything and everything. She could be the doting screwball housewife, the nervous gal about to get it, the glamorous showgirl, the sexy Marilyn, the amnesic child, the clown, hell, she could even peel a potato convincingly!

Of course, having a husband Desi Arnaz with a knack for identifying what was funny and what was not, a supporting actress Vivian Vance with great chemistry, and a comedian William Frawley who was funny even just standing and doing nothing made the sitcom even more successful.

Why didn't I know that Lucy was a Serious Person?

Frankly speaking, it was quite a deep dig into books available that supported the fact that Lucille Ball was a serious and rather person.

It was strange to me, how a comedienne who loved hysterical audience could shy away from the media when she was off the stage.

I think that Lucy loved the known, she feared the unknown. After the phenomenal success in I Love Lucy which shocked her, going off script and facing a scene without knowing what would happen next made her feel deeply uncomfortable. She was so dedicated to her work and to satisfying the audience's expectations of wanting funny stuff that she felt that she would disappoint her audience when she wasn't Lucy Ricardo, but Lucille Ball. That kind of pressure, as we all know, really makes us stressful.

When you're ranked number 1, there's only one way to go: downwards.

Her husband Desi, was terribly crazy about her. He wanted the best for her, he protected her and nurtured her image. Of course, it helped that he was a very talented and astute businessman. He knew that the public would be shocked if they saw how Lucy was like in real life. So, he forbade her from going into extensive talk shows and commercials etc. He knew what was good for her, what was best for her, and what was bad and wrong for her.

Was Lucy Funny in Real Life?

That was one of the first questions I googled after falling in love with Lucy. I wanted to see the candid Lucy with her humorous replies and all. To my surprise, sources confirmed that Lucille Ball was actually a rather serious person. Of course, she had her fair share of humor. But she only did what she did when necessary.

In contrast, her real life husband Desi Arnaz, being the level headed Ricky Ricardo in I Love Lucy, was the one with a great sense of humor. In the early years of their marriage while residing in the Chatsworth Ranch in San Fernando Valley, California, Desi dug out a huge swimming pool, built a bathhouse and held lots of parties there. He embraced life; he was the centre of attention and he enjoyed entertaining people while Lucy was always in the background, rather quiet, with adoring eyes on Desi.

 

Of course, she was unreserved when with Desi. In my opinion, she trusted him enough to be completely herself. She could be childlike, playful, painfully frank, serious, extremely hot tempered and even vulgar. She was totally in love with Desi- she worshiped him.

All their possessions and properties were christened Desilu, a combination of their names. Desi showered her with priceless jewelry and they too, were engraved with "To Lucy" on one side, and "Love, Desi" on the other. Desi wore a gold Saint Christopher's medal, engraved "darling".

Desi carried a gold lighter engraved "Dear Desi, my love for you will last longer than this lighter, I betcha, Lucy." Who knew that her love for him endured through her first marriage, divorce, and eventual marriage to Gary. For decades- even today, fans of Desi and Lucy still sense the lingering bittersweet love that brings tears to one's eyes. Thanks to I Love Lucy, marriages around the world are still being saved.

It's the passionate, wholesome and enduring love that makes Desi Arnaz and Lucille ball so famous.